Very Peculiar Experience - Reincarnation etc. Jun 1, 2020 13:54:40 GMT
Post by Kitanai on Jun 1, 2020 13:54:40 GMT
A thousand lifetimes (long post)
The following experience is induced by a psychoactive-plant. This is in no form a promotion of the plant use, but intended for an educational examination of a very peculiar experience the person in the rapport had. The person talks about an experience of being only a "bean" (remember mustard seed parable by Jesus?) of consciousness without a body, being forcefully made to experience thousands of life times etc.
I come home from working a 12 hour day, a killer Sunday brunch shift where I managed. In good spirits as usual. The experience starts with the last thing I saw, the TV. I call it “the frame”. Black and void. I slip down into the couch and feel my face become 10,000 replicas like a flip book ,but you’re just letting the pages fly away as you fall. Then, I have no face. I have no body, I have no eyes or hands to touch anything with. I am now fully aware that I am “consciousness” . I know this because I heard or maybe even saw the word in front of me. In this state I am about the size of a bean. Perfectly oval shaped and I feel smooth but not hard, almost like a gelcap with liquid inside.
I am now on the “machine”. I am being held by something that looks like a long slender metal rod with a scoop that cradles my bean of consciousness. I feel myself no longer falling/sliding but now I can tell I am moving forward like it’s a big Ferris wheel but not a fun one. I can’t stop it or slow it down and it starts moving faster.
I am now seeing the black frame of the TV again, a black rectangle. Now the crazy shit really starts. Imagine your head is placed back against a wall, in a millisecond you are propelled from one side to the other and when you hit the other side your face is smashing through glass (the black void rectangle), not painful but you can feel it. Each time I hit this glass I enter a different life. When I tell you that I lived a thousand lives , I’m not joking. I feel like I’m older than time itself now.
The ones I can remember very clearly was going from childhood to full 45 year old man (I’m nowhere near 45 now) and dying of cancer in a hospital. I legit remember watching my kids grow up and having a wife, I cried and laughed and loved people and felt every bit of it. My name was David. (My name is not David)
I was a prehistoric man. I hunted small animals, I ate vegetables, I had people around but we didn’t talk. I remember trees and grass and rocks and a mountain.
I was a large black woman in one life, I don’t remember much but she was pretty and had a very loud voice. I remember my bedroom with yellow wallpaper with diamonds printed on it. I had an old white car with cream colored seats.
A thousand of these happened, and between each one, I smash through the glass black void, feeling my face hit hard glass and hearing the break and shatter noises like a movie sound effect. Every one felt like a lifetime and at the same time they were instantaneously beginning and then over faster than you could blink.
At some point I heard a voice, I heard laughter, I remembered that I didn’t want to live these lives, I wanted to be back with my girlfriend and I wanted to remember what my own life was. I somehow turn my consciousness bean to the left and I felt a bad presence. It was making me see all of these lives, it was making me endure this machine. I wanted off.
I’m now looking to the left and I can see the frames (alternate lives) flipping past me and I realized that I didn’t have to live through them, I could just watch them pass by. I wanted to find my own frame. Suddenly I have hands again or at least fingers and I can touch the frames and look at the image. It felt hard to do this, it felt desperate. I had no coordination I was just touching as many as I could.
I heard another voice. I hear more laughter, good laughter. Then I find my frame. I grab it and put my face into it , like how else would you get into it.. no glass smashing this time. It feels like goo, like gel. It’s clear and smooth but I feel like i can’t breathe. I feel my arms and my face come back. I can swim through the goo. I pull myself through what feels like a hundred yards, I feel like I’m a hundred feet long. I can see light in the void. I can see a face, I can see my living room. I grab the edges of the image and pull myself towards it and it feels like I squeezed my face through a big butthole and then POW , I hear a snap .
I hear my friend say my name, my actual name. They sit me on the couch. I’m back home. I take a few minutes to figure out if it’s real or not and then I started crying. I felt like it wasn’t real. I felt like I had been gone too long. I felt like I betrayed my girlfriend for living other lives for so long.
This was about 2 years ago now. When it happened I became depressed for about 4 months. I didn’t feel like I belonged in this world anymore. I wasn’t sure any of it was real anymore. I felt like work was trivial after I’d already lived and died a thousand times, and they were so quick , why did I have to do this anymore?
I never really told anyone until now how I felt on the inside. I couldn’t tell my girlfriend that I felt like life was pointless or possibly fabricated. That I believed I actually went into some other dimension and bent time itself.
After two years I wish I could go back to the same place without fear and confront it all once more, but I don’t think I could ever try it again. There’s a feeling I get in the back of my neck that tells me not to, or I’ll be smashed through glass for another eternity, by something that feels the need to punish me for taking every day moments for granted.
Please start small. Don’t be a fucking hero. I realized that I had some depression to deal with and this helped me come to terms with it in a sense. I realized how much I love the “frame” I’m in now and don’t wanna be a guy named David or a fucking caveman. I haven’t had a good psych trip since that. I get the back of the neck feeling when I try other stuff or even get too high on herb. Maybe it’s a good thing. I chilled out a lot since then.
Problem is that I almost believe that when I die I’ll have to go back on the wheel forever, maybe we all will. Maybe that’s the cycle. Enjoy your precious moments folks. This life is important and unique.
I have a video of me rolling around on the ground. If enough people wanna see it and made it to the bottom of this post maybe I’ll put it up but it’s pretty fucking stupid and I wish I could edit it to not show my face.
This is 100% true and it will stay with me forever.